Alfred Hackensberger: The Mad Pig and the Clash of Civilisations

In the slaughterhouse of a small butcher shop the pigs are rinsed with warm water. But still then loud and nervous squealing can be heard for miles around. One pig after another is brought to the slaughterhouse and electrocuted before the knife has a chance.
Finally the last pig. The butcher picks up the electric tongs as usual.

Pig: I don’t want the electric stun. If then I must die I would like you to cut my throat. I want my blood to drain away slowly.

The butcher looks astonished.

Butcher: But cutting the throat is inhumane.

Pig: Not for me.

Butcher: It is the same for all. There are no differences in death.

Pig: To me there are. I am an Arab pig.

Butcher: That is impossible. There are no pigs in Arabia.

Pig: Arabia does not exist. You mean the Arab world.

Butcher: Maybe, but I’d rather say “Arabia”. It’s easier.

Pig: However, in Arabia which actually doesn’t exist there are pigs, of course.

Butcher: No, definitely not. That I would know of. Pigs among the Mohammedans, that’s impossible.

Pig: They are not Mohammedans, but only Muslims.

Butcher: Who cares, they are all alike. Whether Mohammedans or Muslims, anyway they don’t eat pork. Therefore they don’t have pigs. Enough!

Pig: All right, Muslims usually don’t eat pork…

Butcher (interrupting loudly): Just like the Jews!

Pig: Right, just like the Jews. By the way, I would not call them Jews, unpleasant term, but rather Hebrews.

Butcher: Hebrews. That’s crap. Jews are Jews and they don’t eat pork. Just like the Muslims. It’s against their religion. Also alcohol.

Pig: Muslims don’t drink alcohol, whereas Jews do.

Butcher: That’s news to me.

Pig: You see! Just as the Jews drink alcohol, there are pigs in Arabia.

Butcher: Alcohol and pork have nothing to do with each other.

Pig: That may be true. But Christians like eating pork.

Butcher: Even a little child knows that.

Pig: And they have plenty of those in Arabia.

Butcher: I’m getting tired of this. He checks the electric tongs.

Pig (loudly): So many, many Christians, everywhere.

Butcher: If it makes you happy. But now time’s up!

Pig: But I don’t want the electric stun. I’m an Arab pig.

Butcher: There are no Arab pigs.

Pig: Of course, there are. I am an Arab pig.

Butcher: Ha, don’t make me laugh. A pig from Arabia. Right in my slaughterhouse. Maybe you can even read the papers. Ha!

He puts the tongs against the pig’s head.

Pig: I utterly protest.

There’s a “click”, but nothing happens.

Butcher: Damn it! Jammed! But we’re gonna get there.

The butcher inspects his instruments.

Pig (disgruntled): Don’t you realize? Even your instruments break down! Believe it or not, I’m an Arab pig. And I insist that you cut my throat!

Butcher grumbles, fumbles with the instruments, doesn’t pay attention to the pig.

Butcher: You hear me? You can’t do that to me! No way!

Butcher returns. Without saying a word he puts the electric stuns on the pigs head and shoots. The pig collapses as if struck by a lightening bolt.

Butcher: Well, now I’m gonna cut this mad pig into pieces. So I finally have my peace and quiet.

End.